in response...

wow... so it's been a while since i've written anything of substance... i have mostly been writing about personal junk that doesn't really provide any deeper thoughts... and then... in the last 2 days i have been challenged by similar thoughts of 3 different people who live in very different places... maybe they're all onto something...

1) amy's blog:
i have absolutely no idea what God is trying to teach me right now, but i'm absolutely miserable. i've hit this low point and it everyday it seems to get worse. like i'm in this giant box and it keeps getting shoved around and tossed up and down and now i want out, but i don't even know which way is up.

somedays i feel God tugging at me, but i keep running in the opposite direction. and i don't even want to. i want to stop and let him hold me, but it's like my legs won't stop running long enough to just be still and sit in his prescence. i know the stories. i know that job had everything taken away, but he remained faithful to God and he was blessed. i know that david had to take up the stones and battle goliath. i know that jonah spent time in the belly of a whale because he ran away from what God was telling him. the bible says "be faithful" and "stand firm" but how easy is it to really live that out. it's not easy at all. it's hard. it's a life full of pain, sorrow, trials. i know we as christians were never guaranteed an easy life, in fact we were told the opposite.
(to read entire entry, click here...)

2) chad's blog:
As one of my friends was speaking, God put this on my heart...What if in those times of "dryness," in the times of thirst for God, in the times of not hearing God's voice, God was really trying to teach you something. What if He was allowing you to go through these times so that you know how an unsaved person feels on an everyday basis? What if He wanted you to feel the pain that someone searching feels? And through that pain you get the sense that these people that feel this pain you are in, are the people we should be seeking to find to show them how to find the peace and hope and joy that you so regularly know through the love of God. And through this pain, in your search for the Lord, you find extreme comfort and there is nothing better than feeling the loving comfort of our Father after going through a hard, painful, dry time.

Wow God. You blew me away by putting this on my heart. I've never even thought of it this way. This is what I'm talking about. God has been moving in me. He gives me things like this to be able to comfort the people I know that are hurting right now, and He does it at just the right time. He gives me the right words to say. The Spirit of God is in me and man, am I ever thankful for it. Another way I know He is working through me is that I am starting to finally get the compassion thing. I've been starting to hurt when people hurt. I've been overwhelmed lately by the fact that when I see people hurt, it grieves my heart. I would say that compassion has never been one of my spiritual gifts, but I can see how God is working in my life to change me. I'm excited.
(to read this entire entry, click here...)

i've posted a lot in their words... partially because if i tried to summarize, i'd do a bad job... their words are powerful... no need for me to mess them up...

so part of both of those entries talk about dry times... desert-talk - how do we feel in the desert? thirsty, sure... that's an understatement... but here's where i want to tie in the third instance - a different spin on some similar thoughts...

3) i was riding with mary back to school after grabbing some lunch yesterday... all of a sudden, it hit me...

a year ago, i would never have dreamed i would be where i am... let me clarify...
when i was in college and declared a major, i wanted to have a job working in advertising/graphic design - newspaper... the whole thing... i wanted to be working in a creative field... God put that in my heart/desires - but then not too long after that, i felt like God was calling me into the ministry... immediately, all of those plans went on the back burner and i was focused on ministry... in the mean time, my portfolio and excitement for advertising suffered... close to disappearing... about a year ago, i was in downtown portland with a friend - we were going to go to a seminar at the art institute of portland - he graduated from there with a degree in graphic design... in sitting in the seminar, i was sad... i missed it - i missed being a part of that field... as we were walking back to his truck, i expressed how frustrated i was that i had put all of that behind me... and even though i'd love for that to be a part of my life again, i had chosen ministry... and i had to be faithful... a year later, and much heartache with not knowing exactly what God had for me - here i am...

mary had a similar experience with her art... she has an art degree and left it behind to go to seminary and do ministry... and now works as a church secretary... she experienced and expressed some of the same frustrations about leaving all of it behind to pursue ministry as that is what God had for her... but then He had brought it back into her life... she is able to use art as a ministry to many - it's not her entire life but it's a huge part of her ministry...

BUT... here's the great part...

when God had restored those things in our life - and when we reflected on it yesterday, we both realized how much sweeter it had gotten... if i had pursued advertising wholeheartedly and refused ministry... who knows where i'd be... but i could never have dreamed of this life that God has given me... where i'm able to have an insanely incredible job working in a Christian environment with people who are terrific - and where i'm getting to see ministry happen all the time... the same with mary - she expressed how much God has changed art in her life - and how much greater it is now...

but it doesn't change the fact that we both went through times of dryness... of having gifts that we weren't using... feeling like those gifts were wasted and not worthwhile... only to find out at the end that God had bigger things in store than we could have ever dreamed of...

i am not trying to say that everyone goes through this... some may never go through the dry times and in others, He may not necessarily restore what was offered up to Him... we were both just so overwhelmed at the faithfulness of God in our lives... how He could see the big picture... and we had to be faithful to take those steps, even when it seemed we were leaving something we loved behind or when it seemed a little crazy... why God? why would You take this away? why am i not seeing "results?" why do i feel so unhappy? why do i feel so far away? what in the world are You doing?

"just wait... hold on... don't give up... keep following Me... i know it sounds crazy... you're almost there..."

and then...

at the end (or closer to it, anyway - a few steps in...), we see... and not only see... but we're amazed... what we had given to God - our offerings, He had returned back to us in a much better state...

and right now, i'm realizing, He does the same thing with my life... i offer Him my life, my gifts, whatever i have... but He is the one that does the work... the fine tuning that produces a much sweeter result than i could ever have dreamed of...

(and i know it's a lot easier for me to say all of this at this point in the game... and it doesn't necessarily provide much hope for those on the other side... but i hope it provides a bit of a challenge... and a further challenge to those who have gone through it and are on this side... i hope we don't forget - but instead can encourage and "be" with those who have no answers... i hope i can do that...)